Golly I feel so tired just now!!

I passed out around 8.30pm last night and managed to rouse myself enough to get myself to bed an hour or so later. Yet still stayed in sleep and dreams until gone 10.30am this morning.

My body is going through rhythms throughout the day of heavy and tender to little windows of inviting movement that supports and nourishes.

This is new. To be present and loving to respond to the intuitive aliveness. Yesterday, this gave me gentle dancing, not in connection with my beloved. Just me. Then a little later slow stretching that evolved into stronger muscle engaging training that gave me a glow and increased energy. Then later a magnificent walk at golden sunset. Not the usual cycle and short walk. This time just walking for an hour or so.

When I think back, gosh, 15 or so years when I was in a long season of exhaustion, I would sometimes want so so much to be active that I’d go to a zumba class or try a run along the river, or hack a pathway through the long grass  from the gate of the field to my caravan. Then days of barely moving, such deep exhaustion in my body.

Listening as best I knew how but often with the voices of well meaning others in my head of pushing through…and so on. 

Back to now, today…

There’s a few piles of things I want to get done and they’ve been there a while. I know I will suddenly have a rush of ‘now’ and it’ll be done. I always find this time of slow and quiet a bit odd.

As I write I’m remembering about the seed in the earth. It is absolutely not doing nothing! And even if it was, that would be perfect. 

Dogs and cats sleep for so many hours a day. I used to love to sit on the bottom stair of the house I grew up in. My dog on the third or fourth stair, in the sliver of warm focused sunlight, her nose resting through the banister. me, basking in her delicious peace and contentedness.

I now allow myself more of that. More sweet moments of softness. This is the way for me, and I believe, the feminine. To receive and rest. Open and relaxed. Then whoosh creation is visible and momentum is on and it feels exhilarating. 

Then a slow inward journey begins again. Perhaps moving into writing but not meeting with people. Then again I feel like I’m out of the game, no writing, thinking turned right down…but I’m not out of the game. 

I am simply receiving and recalibrating. Letting magic fill and flow through me.